As I’m sitting there in the theater, eating my refreshingly tasty yet overpriced popcorn the film begins, and after about twenty minutes in I ask myself, “When is the film going to start?” That’s about the full summation of the third installment of Ant-Man: a film of actors standing in front of a green screen like animatronic puppets, staring blankly just as lost in their fake world as the viewers watching them, while a plot as small as insects try to carry the weight of the MCU phase four, believing itself to have the story akin to the strength of an ant, only to find out it’s as weak and forgettable as its namesake. 

Scott Lang, aka Ant-Man played by Paul Rudd, is blissfully in a state of purposelessness, signing autographs, eating ice cream, and reading from his authored auto-biography at bookstores. He is fine with this life and does not wish to change it. His daughter, Cassandra Lang, played by Kathyrn Newton, has come of age and like her surrogate grandparents before Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne, actors Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfieffer respectively, she studies and creates technology that can interact with the quantum realm.  We aren’t given how a normal high school girl has an advanced understanding of quantum mechanics, pseudo-science physics, advanced metallurgy, and engineering, but sure, she somehow creates a device that is quantum-related and hijinks ensue. 

The film moves its plot along by creating multiple MacGuffins, forcing the cast of heroes and villains to interact with each other at integral plot points, creating ham-fisted attempts at actual important moments worth watching. 

The worst of all is the film’s introduction of Kang the Conquerer, played by Jonathan Majors, one of the most powerful and important villains in Marvel Comics. Majors gives a fantastic introduction to the character but is routinely suffocated from showing the gravitas his acting or the character can display thanks to the egregious pacing and terrible scene cuts of the film. Every time Majors has the camera, he captivates, and then the scene cuts to a random joke elsewhere in the film. 

Speaking of jokes, the writing is forced, with veteran greats like Douglas and Pfeiffer piddling around with sentence-long back-and-forth dialogue or just giving word vomits of exposition.  No one else is given anything of significance as well, with the film being bare bones in character substance, showing only what is needed just to move the plot along. Honestly, for the middle of the film I thought I was watching a Star Wars rip-off, so bad was the plot a beat-by-numbers, even including a desert cantina. Ugh.

By the end, I was shaking my head, wondering why the creators didn’t just make a one-hour Marvel Special for streaming as they’ve done before because that’s barely enough of the actual content that mattered that came from this bloated sordid film. 

As for the film score and camera work, I cannot remember the music at all, and as stated earlier the film is a green screen in a studio, the bulk of its visuals done in post by CGI engineers. While that isn’t a faux pau in itself, [see Avatar series], the CGI is forgettable, bringing nothing fresh and new to the table that the MCU hasn’t already done before. New weird creatures! New weird people! New weird sparkly colors! A spectacle does not a story make. 

Score: 3/10

Image: ©Marvel Studios (www.marvel.com)